Many people assume an end of life doula is someone you call when death is close. But that is only one point when a doula may be able to help.
You might start looking for one after a diagnosis, while planning ahead, during palliative care, or when someone is approaching the end of their life. Support can also continue after death.
So when is the right time to reach out? Here are 10 points in the end of life journey when families may consider working with a doula.
1. Living well
End of life conversations do not need to wait until someone is seriously unwell. Talking through preferences for care, what quality of life means to a person, whether they would choose burial or cremation, and how they would want decisions handled if they could not speak for themselves can all happen while everyone involved is well and has time to think clearly.
These conversations do not need to happen all at once. Families can return to them gradually as circumstances and preferences change.
2. After a diagnosis
A new diagnosis can bring a flood of information and very little time to process it. This can be a point when a family wants someone outside the clinical team to help them slow down, talk through what has happened and start thinking about what comes next.
3. Living with a life limiting or terminal diagnosis
This stage can last months or years. A person’s priorities, relationships and sense of what matters to them can change as their illness progresses. Reaching out during this stage can give a family ongoing support that can adapt as those needs change.
4. During palliative care
Many families are already working with a palliative care team when they first think about a doula. They may be looking for additional time and conversation alongside their existing clinical care. Palliative Care Australia recognises end of life doulas as an emerging role that families can consider alongside existing care. It is one possible point to reach out, not something every family receiving palliative care needs to arrange.
If you are comparing different forms of care, our guide to end of life care options in Perth explains how different services fit into the wider picture. Families looking specifically at hospice support can also read our guide to hospice care in Perth.
Read more: End of Life Doula vs Palliative Care: What’s the Difference?
5. During active dying
This is often when families who have not yet reached out decide the time has come. A doula can still start here if nobody has been involved before.
6. At the time of death
Some families specifically want a doula present at the moment of death itself, rather than only in the lead-up or afterwards. If that matters to you, it is worth raising with a doula in advance, since being present for this exact moment is not always something that can be arranged at short notice.
7. After death
Some families make contact for the first time in the hours immediately after a death, when practical decisions suddenly need to be made. Others continue with a doula they already know. Both are possible points to seek support.
8. During a vigil or ceremony
This can be a short window, sometimes only a day or two. Reaching out before decisions about a vigil or ceremony need to be made gives a family more time to consider what they want rather than making every decision under pressure.
For families considering different ways to remember someone, our guide to types of memorial ceremonies in Australia covers some of the options families commonly consider.
9. When planning a funeral or memorial
A funeral or memorial can be planned soon after a death or, in some cases, well ahead of time. Reaching out before decisions are locked in leaves more room to talk through what matters to your family.
Some families choose a living memorial, such as a memorial tree in Western Australia, as one way of remembering someone. You can also learn more about how a memorial tree comes together before deciding whether it is right for your family.
10. During grief and bereavement
Support does not necessarily end after the funeral or memorial. Some families contact a doula during bereavement, while others continue with someone who has supported them through earlier stages. This can still be a point when a family decides they would benefit from support.
For families also thinking about what happens to ashes after a death, our guide to memorial gardens for ashes in Perth explores another way families can create a lasting place of remembrance.
So when should you contact an end of life doula?
There is no rigid rule, but you might consider reaching out if:
- You want to start having end of life conversations while everyone is well
- Someone in your family has recently received a life limiting diagnosis
- You need help thinking through what comes next
- You want additional support alongside your palliative care team
- Active dying is approaching and you want support through the final days
- You need help with practical decisions after a death
- You are planning a vigil, funeral or memorial
- Your family is moving through grief and bereavement
Any one of these can be a reasonable reason to make contact. You do not need to wait until the situation becomes more urgent.
Why earlier is often better
End of life planning is rarely one conversation or one decision. Circumstances can change over months or years. When a doula is involved earlier, they have more time to understand the person, their family and what matters to them. If circumstances become more difficult later, the family does not have to start that relationship from scratch.
There is no single right time to contact an end of life doula. Earlier contact simply gives families more time to decide what kind of support they want and build that relationship before it becomes urgent.
If you are planning a funeral or memorial, a living memorial is another option to consider. Learn more about memorial tree packages at Wellington Dam.
